Thursday, February 17, 2011

Pursuit in the Fire~

I really need to write a post about what it means to pursue when you are in the middle of the fire.  I'm there right now...  and when I come out of this furnace my first intent is to honor God with His victory.  For now, I'm walking this out.  I'm holding to faith.  I'm struggling and fighting off discouragement.  I'm trying to learn from those who have been here.  I'm crying at the feet of my Savior.  I'm filling my mind with all that I know He has been - and ...

I'm reminding myself that He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. 

I'm reminding myself that He loves me, and hasn't abandoned me... that the fire will not last forever - though it certainly feels like it already has.....  that He knows me, and loves me, and pursues me too. 

I'm reminding myself that I can't grow weary in well-doing, though it would be so easy to fall apart.... and that God has given me what I need to prevent that weariness - Hebrews 12-13, among others....... that, there is a reward for those who will diligently seek Him.

But this fire? - it's rather hot.  I actually had a dream that lasted all night.  It was a long night and every time I fell back asleep it was the same.  And when I got up in the morning it was the same.  It was a song - running through my mind.  Not even a song, really.  Just a phrase of a song.  It was like a creepy hook that played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..... the lyrics are:

You're not good enough
You'll never be...

This has been going on for weeks now, and I'm starting to get battle-weary.  I suppose that is the very essence of pursuit through the fire. 

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